Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
