I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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