Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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