Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
