I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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