we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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