So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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