My balls are so social today.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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