I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize