Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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