8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
