Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
