I must be too annoying 4 u.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize