It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
