absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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