The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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