thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
