Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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