Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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