The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
