Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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