I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
