Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
