I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
