Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
