do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
