my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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