Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
