Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
