So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
