I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
