Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
