I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
