Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
