hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
