In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
