Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
COCAINE IS GR8
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
