Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
