There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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