i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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