i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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