If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
