Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
