where am i from again
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
