People in love make me want to vomit
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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