So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
