i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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