he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
