I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize