Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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