I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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