Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
