We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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