dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
