i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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