I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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