she woke up with a sticky ear
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
