Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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