the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
