I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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