i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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