You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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