Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
