oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He told me they were just razor bumps!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
