This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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