don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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