so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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