what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
