i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
