Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
