I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
