I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
