That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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