wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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