I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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