If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
