the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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