I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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