can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
