We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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