when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
