Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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