His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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