I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
